“Artie”
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: Shrek went looking for some kid named Artie. Simple, right? Well... “Arturia Saber Pendragon, at your service…” A Shrek 3 Crossover...


A/N: Just a little thought that came to my head when it happened to be thinking about **Fate\Stay Night** and **Shrek 3** at the same time…

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"Artie"

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me. I'm just messing around for the fun of it…

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"Excuse me," Shrek said, looking down on the bunch of students who'd had the misfortune of being the ones he'd asked. "Can you tell me where Artie is? I'm looking for Artie Pendragon."

Wordlessly, the unfortunate teenagers pointed in a general direction.

"Thank you," Shrek said in what passed as polite for him. He headed off in that direction, Donkey and Puss trailing behind and making snide comments about the place.

The students had more or less been pointing to a cluster of students. A big, strapping lad was leaning against a wall and more or less looming over a petite blonde girl with her hair done up in a bun-and-braids arrangement. Behind him were a bunch of– had this been another time period– what would be called 'cheerleaders'…

Shrek had just carried off the protesting boy over his shoulder, already envisioning getting back home and plunking the kid on the throne so he could get back to his swamp and avoid being king when a voice behind him said, "Excuse me? You're looking for Artie Pendragon, right?"

Shrek, Donkey and Puss turned around to find themselves staring at the blonde girl.

She pointed at the kid over their shoulder. "You got the wrong person. That's Lancelot, captain of the jousting team."

Shrek, Donkey and Puss looked at the aforementioned Lancelot, who was glaring at them. "You sure?" Donkey said.

She nodded. "Positive."

Shrek promptly dropped Lancelot on his head.

As the jousting captain ran away, cursing when he had enough of a head start, the three turned towards the girl. "You know who Artie Pendragon is?" Shrek asked, squinting skeptically at the girl.

The girl nodded. "Oh, yeah. Artie Pendragon is me."

As Shrek, Donkey and Puss stared in astonishment, she dropped to a curtsy. "Arturia Saber Pendragon, at your service…"

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**- To be continued... probably not…**

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A/N: It'll take more crack then exists in the universe for me to touch _**THIS**_ again…

But then again, you never know…

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**OMAKE: AT THE SCHOOL ASSEMBLY…**

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Arturia Saber Pendragon stared blankly at Shrek as the what he'd just said– that she was to be king of Far, Far Away (Donkey and Puss were still arguing about that, I mean, come _**on**_, a _**GIRL**_ being KING??!?!?!?!?!?!)– began to sink in. Then a smile began to grow on her face, getting bigger and bigger until…

"YES!!!" Artie cried, punching her fist in the air. "FINALLY!!! PRESTIGE! POWER! DOMINION OVER THE KNOWN WORLD! MINE, ALL MINE AT LAST!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

She rounded on the entire school, a vicious grin on her face, causing some people to nervously lean back. "I'd like to take this opportunity to say that the time has finally come for justice to be done YES, I'M LOOKING AT _**YOU**_, JOUSTING TEAM! LANCELOT, YOU ARE _SO_ LOSING YOUR _**LANCE**_ FOR ALL THOSE TIMES YOU HIT ON ME!"

"And Gwenevere," Artie said, turning towards the section that contained what could be called– had this been another time and place– the cheerleading squad. "Gwen, babe, I'd just like to say I am _so _gay for you…"

("NOOOOOOOOOO" cried Shiro of the Archery team, who'd recently dyed his red hair white, slicked it back, and burned himself heavily to 'tan' himself in an attempt to be more attractive to Arturia…)

"As for all of you," Arturia continued, on a roll and not planning to stop any time soon, not even noticing as Shrek picked her up and carried her over his shoulder, "I'm going to get you all! Just you wait! I'm staring my reign of terror with the whole lot of you! Holy Grail Academy and especially the Holy Grail Warriors YES I'M LOOKING AT YOU, JOUSTING TEAM! will fall before my dark wrath…"

The door mercifully shut behind the four of them, the two magic talking animals still arguing about how the _**HECK**_ a girl was supposed to become king…

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**END OF OMAKE…**

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Yes, I know dear Saber isn't like that, but MAN that felt GOOD!!!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


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